Death and the Race to Live

While on vacation this past week, death came up twice. The first time while I was playing a game with the fam. My husband bought me a wonderful game called "Would You Rather..." and the card poses 2 scenarios: ie: "Would you rather have an arm in the place of one of your legs or a leg in the place of one of your arms?" A harmless question, but fun all the same. Well, my daughter likes to make up her own and she asked me if I would rather be afraid of death or drowning (the special needs thing kicks in a lot). This lead me to ask her what she was most afraid of and she responded "Death." And I responded by telling her that everyone dies, so why is she afraid of it and her response was not being with her family. Yes, it broke my heart and was all too sweet. That got me to thinking about life. We do our best to prevent death even though it's inevitable. While watching the new Harry Potter Movie (SPOILER ALERT!!!) the concept of death came up again. Sirius (sp??) said to Dumbledoor (sp??) something along the limes of keeping Harry alive just so he could be killed. Again, the idea of preserving life just to die appeared. I've always said that if I get to the point I can't remember anything, take me out...which is an odd statement when I think about it. And the age old question comes up...is there life after death and if so, what does it look like? I was raised Episcopalian and still go to church, but I do wonder about this. I'm not saying the Bible is wrong, I'm just exercising my free will in my thoughts. I do pray and believe in God...I am in no way doubting my faith, I'm just curious, though. And if death is so great and many riches are waiting for us, then why live just to die? I'm not suicidal at all...remember I love my life. These are just the thoughts in my head. I do not want to ignore them or hide them, hence "Jen Uncut." Anyway, this train of thinking lead to the age old idea that we all have a purpose and no one persons' purpose is greater than anyone else's, which lead me to wondering why we choose what we do. I am also an adjunct college professor and I spend a great deal of time discussing Nature vs. Nurture in one of my classes. We are part of column A and column B and then there's this thing called personality which just makes us completely unique. It's THAT part of ourselves that I want to understand. Where does that come from? It's just all so fascinating. To weed out what makes us do what we do or like what we like is just simply mind-bottleing (thanks Chas Michael Michaels for that phrase-haha). Anyway, this is also why I love people watching. I am just fascinated by people's choices and actions, which leads to many more thoughts, but that is all I have time for tonight. Until next time...

Welcome!!

Welcome to Jen Uncut!! I decided to blog as a way of communicating my thoughts and ideas. I seem to spend a lot of time thinking and figured I could use this as an outlet for my thoughts. Otherwise, they just stack up and have no where to go. First, though, a little about me. I am 39 years old and a licensed psychological associate. I am the mother of a special needs child, not something I had planned, but, none the less was awarded. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE and ADORE my kiddo, but sometimes I wonder why I was chosen. I see other mothers of special needs children and they seem to be really good at it. I struggle at times with patience and I even begin to think: "I just...", but I have to stop myself because this is the hand I was dealt and so I must play it. Those thoughts do not change my reality, and therefore, are useless. I have been married, divorced, and remarried the same man. Great story, just not now. As I have gotten older, my friend circle has diminished, and that's okay for the most part. At times I am social and at times I like to be left to my thoughts. I LOVE observing people and I think sometimes this gets confused with people thinking I am judging them. I'm not...just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. I wasn't provided the best role models on life, and that's another story...just not now or maybe ever, so observing people allows me to figure things out. I have a dark sense of humor and often say things as they are...which sometimes is not always appropriate. I feel misunderstood by my peers most of the time and that's okay. I love life and I especially love my life. I may have a touch of narcissism, probably an understatement, and am also very empathic: Yes, I have cried at my fare share of McDonald's commercials. I enjoy running and reading, and sometimes have a hard time just relaxing. So, that is me in a nutshell, albeit, a small nutshell. So, Welcome to Jen Uncut!!